Can I Leave my Kids with my New Spouse if my Ex Has the Right of First Refusal?

Ah, the right of first refusal: it’s a tricky thing.

The right of first refusal (sometimes called the “first right of refusal”) is a long name for a pretty simple concept, namely: parental care is better than non-parental care. Really, the right of first refusal means that if a parent cannot watch a child for more than a certain period of time, then the parent must offer care to the other parent.

And while this is a simple concept, it’s not simple in the real world.

The right of first refusal creates all sorts of problems. For example, if your right of first refusal time period is three hours, you have to tell your ex whenever you won’t be around the kids for three hours. Since that happens every few days, you’ll call your ex constantly about where you are and why you’re not with your children.

Want to go on a date? You have to call the ex. Want to go to a church activity? You have to call ex. Want to go to a party? You have to call the ex.

You see the problems here, right?

New Spouses and the Right of First Refusal

One of the most serious issues with the right of first refusal is: what do we do with new spouses?

New spouses aren’t technically parents — they’re stepparents — so they don’t fall under the “parental care” language used in right of first refusal clauses.

But this creates serious problems because you treat your new spouse like a parent, right? So, we have a parent, who you treat as a parent, who isn’t really a parent and can’t be left alone with the kids without having to tell your ex, who can come get the kids so they’ll be with a parent.

It’s a mess.

(Note: this, and a hundred other reasons, is why we usually don’t include the right of first refusal in our divorce decrees.)

So, how can you address this issue of not being able to leave your kids with your new spouse when you have the right of first refusal?

Well, you have to plan ahead. What I mean is when you write the right of first refusal clause in your divorce, you have to include new spouses in the definition of “parental care.”

The language can be as simple as this: “The right of first refusal applies to parents providing care for their children, and spouses are included as parents.”

There are any number of other ways to express the same sentiment, but you get the idea.

In the end, including new spouses as “parents” in the right of first refusal is pretty simple, but you have to think ahead, otherwise you could run in to some serious difficulties after your divorce.

Protect Your Money And Your Family

We remove fear associated with divorce, protect your money & maximize time with your kids!

We're here to help. Let's determine your best options.

Call Us 24//7 at 801-685-9999 to Speak with a Live Representative

Utah Divorce FAQs
Top 100 Divorce Blog
What Clients Are Saying…
BrownLaw icon
Excellent
Brown Family Law
4.8
Based on 930 reviews
I absolutely believe that Brown Family Law is the best divorce attorney law firm in Utah. Attorney Ray Hingson did a fantastic job for me in a complicated divorce. He was there to guide me through the entire process. Ray touched base with me every week AND every time I called with worries or concerns. He handled things confidently and professionally. He took time to meet with me and explain everything so I could understand it. I felt like he really cared and wanted to do his best for me. His paralegal, Carren Leavitt, was also extremely helpful. All I had to do was pick up the phone and call her and she arranged a time for Ray to call me right back. She was always prompt and caring. I couldn't be happier!
Anne and Josh are Fantastic!!
I couldn’t have done it without Nathaniel Garrabrandt and the Brown Family Law truly the best experience and people to work with thank you!!
Brown Family Law is likely the most outstanding Family Law office in Utah. They care deeply about each client, responds quickly to every client question and concerns. If anyone is in a situation of divorce and/or child custody, I highly recommend this office to assist you with your rights. They stand firmly behind their clients.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Craig.
I can’t say enough good things about Clay Randle and Katrina Redd. They were both incredibly professional, responsive, and knowledgeable throughout my case. Their experience and advice were invaluable, and I truly appreciated their support every step of the way.
Daniel was patient, efficient, professional, and kind. Brown Family Law was easy to work with and very competent. Highly recommend.
Muchas gracias, professionales. Me ayudaron con mi caso, gracias.
Leilani Whitmer was my attorney for mediation day at the provo 4th district court on May 9th and absolutely knocked it out of the park. She made the process so smooth and easy I'd recommend her for any family law issue you could possibly fathom.
Clay Randle is absolutely amazing, well educated, knowledgeable lawyer. He’s approached, always makes sure you’re on the top of the situation and very helpful. I’ve had a pleasure working with him and I recommend him as your top notch attorney.
Brown Family Law has been wonderful to work with! Extremely knowledgeable and professional. Clay went the extra effort in everything he did for us. Couldn’t be more pleased!! I highly recommend their services.
yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7

Categories