Divorce With Kids: What Parents Need to Know
Divorce is a challenging process, especially when children are involved. As a parent, you naturally want to shield your children from the emotional pain that divorce can cause, but it is important to acknowledge that the process will impact them in some way.
The good news is that careful planning, awareness, and experienced legal guidance can minimize the stress on your children. Understanding what to expect during a divorce with kids can help parents manage their own emotions while creating a supportive environment for their children.
A Utah divorce attorney from Brown Family Law can help you navigate the legal complexities of a divorce with children as your family adjusts to this new life chapter. Contact us today at 801-685-9999 to schedule a consultation with our legal team.
Understanding the Emotional Impact on Children
Have you noticed a change in your children’s behavior recently? It is normal for children to experience a range of emotions during and after their parents’ divorce. Recognizing and addressing your child’s feelings and emotions early on can help your child cope and adjust to the changes in the family.
What to expect
The following are some common emotional responses to divorce by age group:
- Young children: Toddlers and preschool-aged children may not completely understand what divorce means. They might feel scared and worried they did something to cause their parents’ separation. Younger children may regress in their behavior, becoming clingy, sucking their thumbs, or having nightmares.
- School-aged children: Older children often experience a range of emotions such as anger and sadness. Others may worry they are somehow at fault for the divorce and feel guilty.
- Teenage children: Teenagers may have a better grasp of the concept of divorce and respond with resentment, anger, or withdrawal. They could also experience loyalty conflicts, feeling like they have to “choose” sides.
What you can do
The following are suggestions for how you can support your children emotionally during the divorce process:
- Communicate openly: You and the other parent should talk to your children about the divorce in a way they can understand. Be honest but age-appropriate. Reassure them that it is not their fault and that both you and the other parent still love them very much.
- Encourage emotional expression: Tell your child it is ok to feel sad, angry, or overwhelmed. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings and provide them with healthy outlets, such as team sports, art, or journaling.
- Provide stability: Divorce means major changes in a child’s life. Maintaining as much stability and routine as possible makes children feel more secure. Consistent schedules for school, hobbies, and family time can help them adapt to the new family structure.
- Seek professional help: If you notice your kid struggling emotionally, consider seeking the assistance of a therapist, psychologist, or counselor. A mental health professional can offer valuable support and teach your children coping skills for their strong feelings.
Creating Child Custody Agreements and Parenting Plans
When you have children, developing a custody and parenting plan is one of the more important aspects of the divorce process. It establishes where your children will live, how important decisions about their lives will be made, and how you and your ex-spouse will co-parent.
A well-drafted parenting plan can reduce conflict between you and the other parent and provide much-needed stability for your children.
What to expect
Child custody is usually one of the most contentious issues in a divorce. When the court decides on custody arrangements, they typically try to prioritize the best interests of the child.
There are two main types of custody: physical custody and legal custody.
Physical custody refers to where your children will live. Physical custody can be joint (the child spends significant time with both parents) or sole (the child lives primarily with one parent, while the other has visitation rights).
Legal custody refers to who has decision-making authority regarding important aspects of the child’s life. This can include things like education, healthcare, and religious upbringing. As with physical child custody, legal custody can be joint (shared decision making) or sole (one parent makes the decisions).
What you can do
Keep the following in mind when deciding on custody and developing a parenting plan:
- Prioritize your child’s best interests: Custody decisions should be based on what is best for your kids, not what is more convenient for you or the other parent.
- Be specific: Your parenting plan should clearly outline the physical custody schedule, including weekdays, weekends, holidays, and vacations.
- Decide who makes big decisions: If you have a joint legal custody arrangement, you need a plan for how you and the other parent will make important decisions about your children’s lives.
- Leave room for change: Keep in mind that children’s needs change as they age, and your parenting plan should reflect this.
- Aim to minimize conflict: Create a parenting arrangement that minimizes direct conflict between you and the other parent by using neutral drop-off/pick-up locations, clear guidelines for communication, and conflict resolution strategies.
Determining Child Support Payments
According to statistics, 1 in 5 children in the US live in households that receive child support payments. Child support is an important aspect of the divorce proceedings when children are involved, ensuring that their financial needs are met even when one parent is no longer living with them.
What to expect
Child support payments are intended to provide financial support for your kid. This money makes sure his or her needs are met even though your family structure is changing.
The amount of child support to be paid depends on various factors, including:
- Number of children: The amount is usually adjusted based on how many children need financial support
- Income of both parents: A judge will take into consideration each parent’s income to determine how much money the custodial parent will need to care for the children
- Parenting time: The more time a parent spends with a child, the less he or she may be required to pay in child support, since expenses are shared
- Child’s needs: Medical expenses, daycare, education, and other specific needs of the child are taken into consideration when determining the support amount
What to do
Here are some things parents should be aware of when making decisions about child support:
- Be honest: Courts prefer full financial disclosure from both parents to make fair decisions. Be transparent about your income, debts, and expenses.
- Plan for adjustments: Child support payments can be modified if financial circumstances change. For example, if one parent loses a job, it may be necessary to adjust the payment structure.
- Automate payments: Many parents utilize a system to direct deposit payments automatically. This can prevent future conflicts over child support payments between divorced parents.
Working Through Co-Parenting Challenges
Co-parenting following a divorce can be challenging, especially when emotions are still raw and both you and the other parent are adjusting to new dynamics. Successful co-parenting requires ongoing communication, respect, and putting your children’s well-being first.
What to expect
Common parenting issues following a divorce include:
- Differing parenting styles: Each parent may have a different approach to discipline, routines, or education, which can lead to conflict
- Scheduling conflicts: As your children divide time between two households, it is inevitable that scheduling conflicts will arise
- Communication breakdowns: While divorce often strains communication, talking with your co-parent is needed for coordinating schedules, discussing your child’s needs, and making important decisions affecting your child
- Inconsistent rules between family homes: Rules regarding discipline, bedtime, and screen time may differ drastically between households
- Emotional stress on children: Children often have a hard time adjusting to a new routine and may feel caught in the middle of adult issues
What to do
Unfortunately, co-parenting challenges are common following a divorce. However, there are strategies that can help you to manage these difficulties.
Consider the following:
- Develop conflict resolution strategies: While it is reasonable to expect you and the other parent will have conflicts, learning how to resolve them calmly and constructively will make the co-parenting process easier. Since parents fighting affects children negatively, set up a time to discuss issues privately or with a mediator if needed.
- Speak to a counselor or mediator: Working with a mediator or attending co-parenting counseling can provide a neutral space for you and your ex-partner to resolve your differences and work on improving communication.
- Strive towards consistency: Maintaining consistent routines across both households helps provide a stable environment for your children. Try to agree on rules, bedtime schedules, curfews, and disciplinary methods to avoid confusion and conflict.
Navigating the Legal Process
When going through a divorce, you have the challenge of helping ensure a smooth transition for your children into the new living arrangement, while also navigating legal complexities. Legal guidance from a family law attorney is important to protect your rights.
What to expect
Common steps that parents should be aware of when going through a divorce with kids, includes:
- Filing for divorce: One parent must file a divorce petition. The petition states the grounds for the divorce and details any requests about custody, child support, and visitation.
- Serving for divorce papers: The other parent must be formally notified of the divorce filing and given the chance to respond. If the party who was served papers agrees, the process may move forward smoothly.
- Requesting temporary orders: There are situations where one or both parents may request temporary orders concerning child custody, support, and living arrangements. These orders are put in place during the divorce proceedings and until a final agreement or court decision is made.
- Navigating court proceedings: If you and the other parent cannot come to an agreement, the case will go to court, where a judge will make final decisions on custody arrangements
What to do
The legal process can feel overwhelming, but there are several things you can do to make the process easier for you and your children:
- Hire a family law attorney: A knowledgeable attorney can guide you through the legal requirements, advocate for your rights, and help you make decisions that prioritize your children’s well-being.
- Stay focused on your children’s needs: Courts appreciate parents who can put aside personal grievances to cooperate in co-parenting. This cooperation also helps to minimize the emotional impact on children.
- Know it may take time: Parents should be aware that divorce cases involving children can take months – or even longer – depending on the complexity of the issues involved. Remain patient and stay committed to finding the best solutions for your family.
Contact Our Family Law Firm Today
Divorce is never easy. However, by careful planning and focusing on the children’s well-being, parents can help make the transition smoother for their kids. By understanding the emotional and legal aspects of a divorce, parents can create a more positive outcome for their entire family.
Working with an experienced family law lawyer can provide the guidance and support needed to navigate this challenging time.
Whether you need support with calculating child support, modifying custody orders, addressing co-parenting conflicts, or something else, the skilled lawyers of Brown Family Law can be an invaluable resource. Call us at 801-685-9999 or complete the contact form to schedule a no-obligation case evaluation.
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