In a divorce with kids, do not involve your children in adult disagreements. It’s also smart to avoid making major decisions out of anger, withholding information or parenting time, and communicating in ways that could create problems in court.
If you’re going through a divorce and trying to protect your children at the same time, don’t wait any longer to call Brown Family Law for legal representation from a divorce lawyer in Salt Lake City.
Do Not Put Your Children in the Middle
Children should not have to become messengers, witnesses, therapists, or decision-makers during their parents’ divorce. It can be tempting to do the following in the midst of a divorce:
- Tell your child what happened in the marriage
- Explain in detail why you are divorcing
- Ask what they think should happen next
You might feel that your child deserves to know the truth, particularly if the other parent is saying things you believe are inaccurate. Even so, adult disputes generally belong between the adults. Utah custody decisions focus on the child’s interests.
As a result, the law gives courts a range of factors to consider when evaluating child custody and parent-time:
- The child’s needs
- Each parent’s ability to care for the child
- Your parenting abilities
- The parents’ ability to communicate and cooperate
- Evidence of abuse or domestic violence
That does not mean a parent should try to manufacture a particular appearance for the court. It means your behavior during the divorce matters.
At Brown Family Law, a lawyer can help you determine which concerns belong in your legal case and which conversations are better kept away from your children. That distinction can protect both your relationship with your children and your position in the divorce.
Get Clear Guidance for Your Divorce
Avoid Using Your Child as a Messenger
Communication between parents can become uncomfortable during a divorce, especially when conversations tend to turn into arguments. That can make it tempting to send messages through the children.
- “Ask your mom when she’s picking you up.”
- “Tell your dad he needs to pay.”
- “Tell your mom I said she needs to call my attorney.”
These conversations put children in the middle of an adult dispute. They also create unnecessary confusion. Children should not have to wonder whether they are responsible for making sure a parent receives information or follows through with an obligation. Utah’s parent-time guidelines address both communication and practical responsibilities.
The law provides for direct access to certain school and medical information and establishes responsibilities concerning notice of significant events involving the child.
When communication with the other parent is difficult, an attorney at Brown Family Law can help you establish more appropriate communication practices and address recurring problems through the legal process rather than through your child.
A Calmer, Clearer Way Through Divorce
Do Not Vent About the Other Parent in Front of Your Children
Divorce can bring up anger, disappointment, grief, and frustration. Those feelings are real, but your children do not need to carry them for you. Complaining about the other parent in front of the children can put them in an uncomfortable position.
Utah courts consider the ability of parents to communicate and cooperate when evaluating custody arrangements. The law also directs courts to consider a variety of factors connected to the child’s welfare and the parents’ ability to meet the child’s needs.
If you have legitimate concerns about the other parent’s conduct, discuss those concerns with your attorney rather than making your child listen to them. Brown Family Law can help you determine whether an issue belongs in the court record.
Resist the Urge To Make Every Disagreement a Legal Battle
Not every disagreement during a divorce requires an attorney’s immediate involvement. That does not mean you should ignore serious problems. It means it is worth distinguishing between an issue that affects your legal rights and an issue that is simply frustrating.
Parents are going to disagree, and you might have different opinions about these topics as they pertain to your child or children:
- Screen time
- Extracurricular activities
- Bedtime
- Clothing
- Food
- Birthday parties or sleepovers
- What the children should bring between homes
Trying to turn every parenting difference into a legal dispute can consume time and energy without improving the situation. At the same time, some disagreements are legally significant.
A repeated failure to follow a custody order, interference with parent-time, concerns about a child’s safety, or significant financial issues can require legal attention.
A lawyer at Brown Family Law can help you differentiate between the two. The goal is not to stay silent when something important happens. The goal is to respond deliberately rather than react to every frustrating interaction.
To Better Understand What Not to Do in a Divorce With Kids, Contact Brown Family Law
A divorce with children requires parents to think about more than ending the marriage. It forces adults to make decisions about custody, parent-time, support, property, finances, and other practical details of raising children in two separate households.
The mistakes worth avoiding can be small reactions that gradually make a difficult case that much harder. Putting children in the middle, sending angry messages, ignoring court orders, posting online about the dispute, or making major financial decisions without advice can hurt you.
Instead of trying to handle the divorce process on your own, why not let Brown Family Law advocate for you? Founded in 2010, our law firm has been helping the local community with family law matters for 15-plus years. Call us today to see what we can do for you.
