How Do you Secretly Prepare for a Divorce?

Though a divorce is an unpleasant and tragic occurrence, secretly planning for one may be necessary in highly traumatic or high-conflict marriages. Here is a checklist of to-do things that can help you secretly prepare for a divorce:

How Do you Secretly Prepare for a Divorce?
  1. Collect personal information
  2. Assemble information regarding individual (separate) property and common marital property
  3. Gather financial papers
  4. Build a support team
  5. Make a budget and create an emergency fund
  6. Search for a place to live
  7. Keep things normal and pleasant

Either spouse can decide to secretly plan for a divorce if the marriage is extremely unpleasant and beyond repair, if an affair is revealed, if there is a total lack of commitment from one spouse and no amount of reasoning can bring back that commitment, there is domestic violence, or for other reasons. Whatever the reasons may be, here is a checklist that can help the spouse who has decided to file for divorce keep the planning stage secret.

Collect Personal Information

  • Legal names and birthdates of both spouses
  • Postal address on which legal papers can be mailed/served
  • Social Security Numbers (SSN) of both spouses
  • Employers’ names and details of wages earned by both spouses
  • Usernames and passwords of online accounts, including social media accounts, of the spouse who is filing for divorce
  • Proof that both spouses are residents of the state
  • Current as well as past (if any) marriage/divorce certificates
  • Details of visits to marriage counselors
  • A document that lists the reasons for divorce
  • Will(s) or power(s) of attorney
  • Relevant details about the kids (biological or adopted, from the current or past marriage, their age, school, etc.). The details should contain documents/information such as birth certificate, details of school, details of the kids’ doctor, insurance, SSN, any child support you are receiving/paying, monthly expenses per child, adoption papers, and other applicable documents.

Assemble Information Regarding Individual (Separate) Property and Common Marital Property

Property is divided based on the property distribution laws followed by your state (community distribution or equitable distribution) unless a prenuptial agreement states how property is to be distributed in case of divorce, as well as identifies properties that belong individually to either spouse.

It is desirable to gather the papers, proof of ownership, insurance policies, tax receipts, mortgage documents, mortgage deeds, estimated value, photos/videos, and other applicable details of the following properties that can be owned in individual or joint names, and which can be regarded as separate or common marital property:

  • House/Land
  • Cars
  • Long-term assets owned by the family, or a business to which either or both the spouses are connected
  • Household and personal items
  • Pets
  • Patents/Trademarks

Assemble and Make Copies of the Following Financial Papers

  • Cash on hand, and the locations where it is stored
  • Bank accounts along with the latest statements
  • Investments (stocks/bonds/etc.)
  • Cryptocurrencies along with their wallet details
  • Tax returns
  • Insurance policies (health/property/kids insurance)
  • Credit reports
  • Mortgage and non-mortgage debt deeds
  • Personal loan statements
  • Retirement account statements

Build a Support Team

Many divorces are heartbreaking events that can cause huge imbalances in your life. A divorce can make one feel isolated, bitter, and cold. Therefore, it helps to assemble a support team that can help cope with the emotional, legal, spiritual, financial, and physical health fallouts that are likely to set in, maybe promptly, after filing for a divorce.

Make a Budget and Create an Emergency Fund

A spouse who secretly plans for a divorce should ideally be prepared for financial fallout, especially if she/he is not the breadwinner. Therefore, it makes sense to create a fund for post-separation emergencies. In a divorce that is not brought about by mutual understanding, a spouse can consider opening a new bank account.

Plus, creating a post-separation monthly budget can help the spouse understand how cash will move going forward, and thus help plan in advance and thus reduce financial problems.

Search for a Place to Live

A spouse can search for a place to live after the physical separation if she/he believes that carrying on together can be painful, dangerous, or unbearable. In any case, after a divorce, one spouse moves out – and therefore it makes sense to look for living options during the divorce-planning stage.

Moving out of the marital home can be a painful experience that also adversely impacts finances. Therefore, it makes sense to keep the budget for the new place on the lower side, say, not more than 25% of the monthly income.

Keep Things Normal and Pleasant

Finally, a divorce is not the end of the world. Things don’t have to get worse and more unpleasant in the process, especially during the divorce-planning stage. If the spouse who is planning to divorce gets aggressive or intimidating or excessively cold/detached, the other spouse may suspect something is off and start digging around, and perhaps discover what is happening behind the scenes.

Before signing off, here are a few final suggestions:

  • Consider opening a separate email to communicate with your lawyers.
  • Consider maintaining your standard of living before filing for divorce because becoming frugal can impact the alimony.
  • Consider obtaining a personal credit card if you do not have one.
  • Consider short-listing family law attorneys while planning for the divorce.
  • Discuss your plans only with close and trusted people who can keep a secret.
  • Start planning and thinking about the children’s issues such as custody, child support, college savings, and other related matters.
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About the Author: Keith Bruss
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WHAT OUR CLIENTS SAY AND WHY

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I would highly recommend Clay to anyone! He is absolutely amazing and keeps you updated and informed with everything going on with your case!
Paul is a first-class attorney who not only has the skill to stand up for justice and guide your case to a successful resolution, but also demonstrates genuine care for his clients. A truly unique presence in his field.
Clay Randle at Brown Family Law is a master of clarity in the midst of complexity.

I hired Clay to help me navigate a divorce involving contested marital and premarital properties spread across multiple states. The legal terrain was anything but simple. Valuation disputes, and emotionally charged negotiations. Clay handled it all with precision, professionalism, and a calm that made a difficult process feel manageable.

What stood out most was his ability to distill complicated legal issues into clear, actionable steps. He was responsive, strategic, and always one step ahead in anticipating challenges. I never felt lost in the process—Clay made sure I understood my options and the implications of every decision.

If you’re facing a divorce with significant property concerns —Clay is the kind of attorney who brings both legal rigor and human empathy. I’m grateful for his guidance and would recommend him without hesitation.
Dani was very knowledgeable. She answered all my questions in timely manner. Would highly recommend working with her!
Paul Waldron offers a competent and mindful approach to navigating family law. Thank you Paul for being an asset in our community that we can all depend on.
Clay really knows how to take care of his clients!
Clay is one of the most knowledgeable attorneys I’ve talked to. He has a great grasp of family law and is an amazing advocate.
I send all my family law clients to Clay. As a lawyer myself, I know how important good representation is. Clay honestly cares about his clients and is a very good strategist. He’s also really funny.
Clay is an amazing, compassionate, and talented lawyer. Highly recommend him and the firm.
David and Dani were very helpful and made my case as stress free as possible.
Great Team. Efficient and smooth process. Excellent communication. Thank you David Hunt.
I’m so grateful for attorney Nicholas Schwarz and paralegal Carren Leavitt at Brown Family Law. From day one, they were ready to work with me immediately, making my case feel like a top priority. Their organization is exceptional, every detail was handled with care and efficiency. Most importantly, their commitment to communication stood out. They kept me informed every step of the way, answered questions promptly, and made sure I fully understood my options.

If you want a legal team that is proactive, organized, and truly dedicated to their clients, I highly recommend Nicholas and Carren at Brown Family Law.
They got my dovorce going and stayed in contact with me every week. Every step of the way anytime I had questions they were answered fast. They made it so much easier.
Clay was great to work with! He was very willing to explain everything I needed to know and helped me understand the options on my case. Very easy to work with.
Jennifer and Dani, as well the rest of the team went above and beyond when it came to my case.
I would highly recommend ‘Brown Family Law’.
My experience with them was exceptional.
Alija
Loved working with Daniel and the whole team. Great service.
Marco and his team at Brown Family Law have created nearly the perfect system for getting divorced in Utah. From the initial intake, to gathering all of the necessary documentation, to the client communication in between. There is so much work that goes into getting divorced, but with Marco and his team you'll always know where you are in the process and what happens next, which is such a comfort. Would highly recommend.
I would give them 10 stars if I could. Clay was professional and super organized. He took the time to explain everything. I would highly recommend him for any family law needed. Melanie was a godsend. She not only kept me continually informed of the progress, she sent texts of encouragement and support throughout the entire process. I would give her 100 stars for going above and beyond to make this experience less stressful. Her encouragement and genuine caring were comforting and calming. The entire staff at Brown Law are on your side and if you are lucky enough to get Clay and Melanie on your team you will not be disappointed. Thanks! Mack M.
Response from the owner:Wow, thank you so much. Melanie is great. Glad she helped you so well.
Nathaniel was an incredible partner throughout the divorce process. He was organized, responsive and respectful of my wishes while simultaneously giving me guidance and advice. I would recommend him to anyone.
I couldn’t have made it through my divorce without Clay and his team! I am forever thankful for the hours and time spent with me to help navigate an extremely difficult time in life. They’re reliable, knowledgeable, and know how to get things moving in an efficient manner. Nothing but good to say here!!
Working with Daniel Young at Brown Family Law was a truly positive experience during one of the most difficult times of my life. From the start, Daniel was knowledgeable, compassionate, and incredibly responsive.
If you need a family law attorney who combines expertise with empathy, I cannot recommend Daniel Young enough. He is a true advocate and a credit to Brown Family Law.
Nathaniel and Carren have been absolutely incredible to work with. They kept me informed and in the loop throughout each step of the process. They always answered every question I had in a very quick and timely manner. I could not recommend them more.
This 5-star review is for Nathaniel Garrabrandt at Brown Family Law. Nathaniel was just what we needed. He helped guide us with a level of professionalism, efficiency, and genuine care that made a real difference during a challenging time. He is always thoughtful and respectful, and he never makes you feel like just another case. His communication was clear (with regular check-ins), his advice was solid and uncomplicated, and I always felt that he had his client's best interest at heart as he made suggestions. I’m grateful to have had such a capable and compassionate attorney to work with. You hope you never need these kind of services, but when you do, you want the best... and someone with high integrity. Nathaniel truly deserves all 5 of these stars, in every way.
Russell Yauney was my attorney at Brown Family Law. Throughout the process, Russell and his paralegal Conor, were extremely helpful and patient. They were highly responsive, thorough, and most importantly: did not make me feel insignificant or embarrassed for asking clarifying questions. Russell made himself available and whenever he wasn't, Conor was. The Friday Phone Calls were reliable and I knew I could expect an update each week. The firm's texting abilities also made it easy to send a quick question/concern if I ever needed it. Russell was a fantastic attorney and guide to have throughout my situation. I highly recommend this firm.
This law firm went above and beyond for me and my case. I would highly recommend them to anyone needing a good lawyer for custody issues.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Denney. So glad we could help.
Carren is absolutely amazing! Made things easy and always was helpful explaining.
Shout out to Carlos! Very nice, and knows the value of good legal representation.
Jennifer and Dani did a wonderful job handling my case. The communication and accessibility were top notch.
Brown Family Law is very professional. They use their phenomenal expertise to manage every case with care. I would highly recommend them.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Kim. Glad we could help.
Very thorough and on top of dates and timing for various documents.
My attorney Andrew Christensen was great! He was very helpful while being realistic and upfront with me at the initial consultation. He did a great job of guiding me and answering any questions I had throughout the whole process. My paralegal Carren Leavitt was also very helpful. I appreciated her weekly check-ins, for the aid she provided, and the questions answered.
Clay Randle provided exceptional support and counsel. He was patient, knowledgeable, and thoughtfully addressed my many questions and concerns. Thank you very much!
Paul and Dani were incredibly communicative, educational, willing to work with our unique circumstances, and took the whole process from complicated and overwhelming to simple. Highly recommend!!
Nathaniel was very personable and listened. He is also incredibly knowledgeable, effective, and efficient. Brown Family Law is a pinnacle of law firms.
I highly recommend Nathaniel Garrabrandt and Brown Family Law. If you are going through a divorce and your parental rights are being falsely challenged they are a great option. Nathaniel and Brown family law are professional, very knowledgeable, and know how to navigate within the broken and biased Utah family law court system. They were highly communicative throughout the process. They can potentially save you a lot of time and money if lawfare is being waged against you.
Could not help with my case but referred me to someone who could .
Clay Randle was great and I would highly recommend him for an attorney.
Russell was my Lawyer at Brown Family Law. He helped me through my multiple cases after my divorce. He was very responsive whenever I had questions about my cases or understanding how the law works. Russell was respectful of how he used my retainer and always gave me good sound advice even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I highly recommend his services if you’re looking for a top notch Family lawyer! 5 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I recently engaged Andrew to review my divorce decree that was finalized in another state. He gave me excellent advice. I did not feel pressured to proceed one way or another. Instead, he gave me very reasonable scenarios to consider and allowed me to proceed down the path that felt most comfortable to me.
Clay Randle with Brown Family Law was excellent! I love the way the procedures with this company are organized. The attorney calls every Friday to check in with you so there’s no phone tag. Questions are answered very timely every week. Clay was very prompt in responding to emails. He was also great to “read the room” or the situation rather. Throughout the divorce, where grace was extended and healthy negotiation prevailed, he appeared to navigate the process in a calm and skillful way. I could see how he definitely had the capacity to respond in a more contentious, emotionally charged way if needed. He encouraged healthy boundaries with the splitting of assets and he understood both sides of what could happen if asking for a specific thing in the divorce. During a painful situation, Clay was able to crack some (tasteful) jokes and tried to keep a heavy situation feel a little less heavy. Couples seeking a divorce would be wise to choose Brown Family Law. They will be in great hands.
I wholeheartedly recommend Andrew Christensen to anyone facing a divorce or custody battle. His passion and thoroughness as a divorce and custody attorney are truly exceptional. You’d think his name was on the firm’s door with the way he handles business—pouring his heart and expertise into every detail, even though it’s not his firm! From our first meeting, Andrew went far beyond a typical consultation, taking the time to listen, understand my situation, and craft a strategy that led to a successful outcome in my custody case. His dedication, compassion, and meticulous approach make him stand out. If you need an attorney who will fight for you like it’s personal, Andrew is the one to call!
I absolutely believe that Brown Family Law is the best divorce attorney law firm in Utah. Attorney Ray Hingson did a fantastic job for me in a complicated divorce. He was there to guide me through the entire process. Ray touched base with me every week AND every time I called with worries or concerns. He handled things confidently and professionally. He took time to meet with me and explain everything so I could understand it. I felt like he really cared and wanted to do his best for me. His paralegal, Carren Leavitt, was also extremely helpful. All I had to do was pick up the phone and call her and she arranged a time for Ray to call me right back. She was always prompt and caring. I couldn't be happier!
Anne and Josh are Fantastic!!
I couldn’t have done it without Nathaniel Garrabrandt and the Brown Family Law truly the best experience and people to work with thank you!!
Brown Family Law is likely the most outstanding Family Law office in Utah. They care deeply about each client, responds quickly to every client question and concerns. If anyone is in a situation of divorce and/or child custody, I highly recommend this office to assist you with your rights. They stand firmly behind their clients.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Craig.
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What Makes Us Different

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.