How Long Does it Take to Get Over a 30-Year Marriage?

There is no single answer to how long it takes to get over the breakdown of a 30-year (or longer) marriage, but researchers suggest that it may take anywhere from 0 years (immediately) to 20% of the married years for recovery, i.e., up to 6 years for a 30-year marriage. 

How Long Does it Take to Get Over a 30-Year Marriage?
The recovery time depends on factors like:

  1. Time spent on planning for the divorce
  2. Quality of married life
  3. Level of commitment
  4. Children
  5. Infidelity by one, or both spouses
  6. Psychological makeup
  7. The shock generated by the disclosure of divorce

Time Spent on Planning for a Divorce

People who are married for 30 years or longer do not usually walk out of the relationship based on a frivolous impulse or gut feeling. They have been in the marriage for decades and probably love their children and value the good times they experienced together. 

People decide to divorce because towards the later years of marriage they may be constantly feeling unhappy and discontented for various reasons, despite trying their best to make things work. Psychologists opine that most folks who have been married for a long time decide to divorce after realizing that continuing any further with the marriage will only cause more unhappiness and bitterness, wrecking the quality of the rest of their life.

So, if there is unhappiness ahead, and a spouse has been planning for a divorce for a long time, she/he is likely to recover almost immediately after physical separation. If, on the other hand, she/he is suddenly told about the divorce by the other spouse, recovery can take a long time.

Quality of Married Life

Length of recovery also depends on how bad or unhappy married life was. Obviously, a spouse is not likely to jump away from a happy or even semi-happy marriage. If it was horrible for both spouses, especially in the later years, then a swift recovery is possible for both. If it was okay for one spouse and horrible for the other spouse, then the length of recovery varies depending on how easily the other spouse accepts the separation.

Level of Commitment

Some spouses are fully committed to a marriage, some aren’t. Typically, the level of commitment is likely to rise over time, but there can be exceptions. Spouses are likely to know each other like the back of their hand in a long marriage, and therefore, the length of recovery depends on the level of commitment at the time of the physical separation, and it cannot be quantified because it is a very subjective issue.

Children

Children tend to make divorce a difficult decision. However, after 30 years of marriage, the children are likely leading their own lives away from home, and therefore, some parents may not feel the pinch of divorce after a long marriage, especially an unhappy marriage. Those with a high level of commitment can be traumatized by the divorce and take a long time to recover.

Infidelity

Infidelity can lead to divorce in a long marriage. The cheating spouse is likely to recover easily or may not suffer at all (but can be hit by remorse at a later stage). The other spouse is likely to be hit hard because she/he may experience three shocks – cheating, abandonment, and separation, and therefore is likely to take a long time to recover.

Psychological Makeup

People are different and psychologists have identified personalities based on:

  1. Extroversion: Proactive, talkative, energetic, leader-like, outgoing, and a person who can be easily distracted
  2. Agreeableness: Careful, tactful, friendly, warm, and optimistic
  3. Openness: Curious, adventurous, open-minded, and creative
  4. Conscientiousness: Careful, diligent, organized, always in-control, disciplined, team player, but can be impulsive
  5. Neuroticism: Negative, angry, anxious, conscious, irritable, unstable, and prone to depression

These traits depend on an individual’s genes and environment. Therefore, recovery from a divorce after a 30-year marriage also depends on each spouse’s psychological makeup.

Shock Generated by the Disclosure of Divorce

The spouse that breaks the news about the divorce has likely planned ahead, and therefore, she/he is likely to recover quickly. The spouse who gets the news suddenly will be traumatized by the shock. The recovery will therefore take much longer, depending on other factors such as the level of commitment, psychological makeup, and to what extent that spouse valued the marriage.

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About the Author: Keith Bruss
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Marco and his team at Brown Family Law have created nearly the perfect system for getting divorced in Utah. From the initial intake, to gathering all of the necessary documentation, to the client communication in between. There is so much work that goes into getting divorced, but with Marco and his team you'll always know where you are in the process and what happens next, which is such a comfort. Would highly recommend.
I would give them 10 stars if I could. Clay was professional and super organized. He took the time to explain everything. I would highly recommend him for any family law needed. Melanie was a godsend. She not only kept me continually informed of the progress, she sent texts of encouragement and support throughout the entire process. I would give her 100 stars for going above and beyond to make this experience less stressful. Her encouragement and genuine caring were comforting and calming. The entire staff at Brown Law are on your side and if you are lucky enough to get Clay and Melanie on your team you will not be disappointed. Thanks! Mack M.
Response from the owner:Wow, thank you so much. Melanie is great. Glad she helped you so well.
Nathaniel was an incredible partner throughout the divorce process. He was organized, responsive and respectful of my wishes while simultaneously giving me guidance and advice. I would recommend him to anyone.
I couldn’t have made it through my divorce without Clay and his team! I am forever thankful for the hours and time spent with me to help navigate an extremely difficult time in life. They’re reliable, knowledgeable, and know how to get things moving in an efficient manner. Nothing but good to say here!!
Working with Daniel Young at Brown Family Law was a truly positive experience during one of the most difficult times of my life. From the start, Daniel was knowledgeable, compassionate, and incredibly responsive.
If you need a family law attorney who combines expertise with empathy, I cannot recommend Daniel Young enough. He is a true advocate and a credit to Brown Family Law.
Nathaniel and Carren have been absolutely incredible to work with. They kept me informed and in the loop throughout each step of the process. They always answered every question I had in a very quick and timely manner. I could not recommend them more.
This 5-star review is for Nathaniel Garrabrandt at Brown Family Law. Nathaniel was just what we needed. He helped guide us with a level of professionalism, efficiency, and genuine care that made a real difference during a challenging time. He is always thoughtful and respectful, and he never makes you feel like just another case. His communication was clear (with regular check-ins), his advice was solid and uncomplicated, and I always felt that he had his client's best interest at heart as he made suggestions. I’m grateful to have had such a capable and compassionate attorney to work with. You hope you never need these kind of services, but when you do, you want the best... and someone with high integrity. Nathaniel truly deserves all 5 of these stars, in every way.
Russell Yauney was my attorney at Brown Family Law. Throughout the process, Russell and his paralegal Conor, were extremely helpful and patient. They were highly responsive, thorough, and most importantly: did not make me feel insignificant or embarrassed for asking clarifying questions. Russell made himself available and whenever he wasn't, Conor was. The Friday Phone Calls were reliable and I knew I could expect an update each week. The firm's texting abilities also made it easy to send a quick question/concern if I ever needed it. Russell was a fantastic attorney and guide to have throughout my situation. I highly recommend this firm.
This law firm went above and beyond for me and my case. I would highly recommend them to anyone needing a good lawyer for custody issues.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Denney. So glad we could help.
Carren is absolutely amazing! Made things easy and always was helpful explaining.
Shout out to Carlos! Very nice, and knows the value of good legal representation.
Jennifer and Dani did a wonderful job handling my case. The communication and accessibility were top notch.
Brown Family Law is very professional. They use their phenomenal expertise to manage every case with care. I would highly recommend them.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Kim. Glad we could help.
Very thorough and on top of dates and timing for various documents.
My attorney Andrew Christensen was great! He was very helpful while being realistic and upfront with me at the initial consultation. He did a great job of guiding me and answering any questions I had throughout the whole process. My paralegal Carren Leavitt was also very helpful. I appreciated her weekly check-ins, for the aid she provided, and the questions answered.
Clay Randle provided exceptional support and counsel. He was patient, knowledgeable, and thoughtfully addressed my many questions and concerns. Thank you very much!
Paul and Dani were incredibly communicative, educational, willing to work with our unique circumstances, and took the whole process from complicated and overwhelming to simple. Highly recommend!!
Nathaniel was very personable and listened. He is also incredibly knowledgeable, effective, and efficient. Brown Family Law is a pinnacle of law firms.
I highly recommend Nathaniel Garrabrandt and Brown Family Law. If you are going through a divorce and your parental rights are being falsely challenged they are a great option. Nathaniel and Brown family law are professional, very knowledgeable, and know how to navigate within the broken and biased Utah family law court system. They were highly communicative throughout the process. They can potentially save you a lot of time and money if lawfare is being waged against you.
Could not help with my case but referred me to someone who could .
Clay Randle was great and I would highly recommend him for an attorney.
Russell was my Lawyer at Brown Family Law. He helped me through my multiple cases after my divorce. He was very responsive whenever I had questions about my cases or understanding how the law works. Russell was respectful of how he used my retainer and always gave me good sound advice even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I highly recommend his services if you’re looking for a top notch Family lawyer! 5 out of 5 stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I recently engaged Andrew to review my divorce decree that was finalized in another state. He gave me excellent advice. I did not feel pressured to proceed one way or another. Instead, he gave me very reasonable scenarios to consider and allowed me to proceed down the path that felt most comfortable to me.
Clay Randle with Brown Family Law was excellent! I love the way the procedures with this company are organized. The attorney calls every Friday to check in with you so there’s no phone tag. Questions are answered very timely every week. Clay was very prompt in responding to emails. He was also great to “read the room” or the situation rather. Throughout the divorce, where grace was extended and healthy negotiation prevailed, he appeared to navigate the process in a calm and skillful way. I could see how he definitely had the capacity to respond in a more contentious, emotionally charged way if needed. He encouraged healthy boundaries with the splitting of assets and he understood both sides of what could happen if asking for a specific thing in the divorce. During a painful situation, Clay was able to crack some (tasteful) jokes and tried to keep a heavy situation feel a little less heavy. Couples seeking a divorce would be wise to choose Brown Family Law. They will be in great hands.
I wholeheartedly recommend Andrew Christensen to anyone facing a divorce or custody battle. His passion and thoroughness as a divorce and custody attorney are truly exceptional. You’d think his name was on the firm’s door with the way he handles business—pouring his heart and expertise into every detail, even though it’s not his firm! From our first meeting, Andrew went far beyond a typical consultation, taking the time to listen, understand my situation, and craft a strategy that led to a successful outcome in my custody case. His dedication, compassion, and meticulous approach make him stand out. If you need an attorney who will fight for you like it’s personal, Andrew is the one to call!
I absolutely believe that Brown Family Law is the best divorce attorney law firm in Utah. Attorney Ray Hingson did a fantastic job for me in a complicated divorce. He was there to guide me through the entire process. Ray touched base with me every week AND every time I called with worries or concerns. He handled things confidently and professionally. He took time to meet with me and explain everything so I could understand it. I felt like he really cared and wanted to do his best for me. His paralegal, Carren Leavitt, was also extremely helpful. All I had to do was pick up the phone and call her and she arranged a time for Ray to call me right back. She was always prompt and caring. I couldn't be happier!
Anne and Josh are Fantastic!!
I couldn’t have done it without Nathaniel Garrabrandt and the Brown Family Law truly the best experience and people to work with thank you!!
Brown Family Law is likely the most outstanding Family Law office in Utah. They care deeply about each client, responds quickly to every client question and concerns. If anyone is in a situation of divorce and/or child custody, I highly recommend this office to assist you with your rights. They stand firmly behind their clients.
Response from the owner:Thank you, Craig.
I can’t say enough good things about Clay Randle and Katrina Redd. They were both incredibly professional, responsive, and knowledgeable throughout my case. Their experience and advice were invaluable, and I truly appreciated their support every step of the way.
Daniel was patient, efficient, professional, and kind. Brown Family Law was easy to work with and very competent. Highly recommend.
Muchas gracias, professionales. Me ayudaron con mi caso, gracias.
Leilani Whitmer was my attorney for mediation day at the provo 4th district court on May 9th and absolutely knocked it out of the park. She made the process so smooth and easy I'd recommend her for any family law issue you could possibly fathom.
Clay Randle is absolutely amazing, well educated, knowledgeable lawyer. He’s approached, always makes sure you’re on the top of the situation and very helpful. I’ve had a pleasure working with him and I recommend him as your top notch attorney.
Brown Family Law has been wonderful to work with! Extremely knowledgeable and professional. Clay went the extra effort in everything he did for us. Couldn’t be more pleased!! I highly recommend their services.
Marco is beyond insightful!
Great support, Russell and Connor were amazing and got my case dismissed in only 2 months. Great communication with weekly calls. Easy to work with and were very conscious on not overspending my budget. Great team.
Response from the owner:Daniel, thank you for the kind words, and happy Russell and Connor did well for you.
Anne Greyson long was great to work with she really listens and fights for her clients thank you so much for all your hard work
Response from the owner:Thank you, Heather. Glad Anne-Greyson helped you so well.
You get what you pay for, and the Brown Family team is worth every penny. We truly appreciated their team-based approach, making sure that every detail of our case was thoughtfully handled. They were incredibly easy to work with, kept us informed throughout the process, and made sure no question ever went unanswered. By far the best family attorneys I’ve worked with, and the only ones I’ll call if I ever need legal help again.
Response from the owner:Chris, thank you. Glad we were able to guide you through your process.
Andrew made the whole process smooth and quick! Kept me updated on any changes, and followed up with me constantly!

Made me feel at ease throughout the whole process and made sure I felt seen/ heard!
Response from the owner:Joselyn, thank you for the kind words.
David Handy is my attorney and he is excellent. He understands my cases and is well informed to defend my needs and the needs of my kids. He is supportive and compassionate. Telling me how things are and what to expect. He does very well with my high conflict cases (protective order and divorce). I highly recommend him and the Brown Family Law firm. Everyone I have talked to is helpful. Especially Conor Schetzel who is currently the paralegal on my cases.
Response from the owner:Suzanne, thank you and glad David has taken care of you.
Nathaniel Garrabrandt and Brown Family Law is where I send people who are seeking Divorce. Highly professional and compassionate. Thank you!
Response from the owner:Jaren, thank you for the referrals.
I cannot say enough good about my experience with Brown Family Law. Ray Hingson and paralegal Carren did an excellent job with my case. I will definitely use this firm again for any legal issues.
Response from the owner:Meghann, so glad Ray and Carren took good care of you.
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What Makes Us Different

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.

At Brown Family Law, we know that when we make children’s well-being a priority, their parents do better, too.