How Do You Approach A Divorce?

How Do You Approach A Divorce?

A pragmatic approach to divorce requires you to:

  1. Ensure your child’s best interests
  2. Take care of your health
  3. Create a support team
  4. Understand and collect key information
  5. Get your finances in order
  6. Be courteous, logical, patient, and calm
  7. Hire an effective and experienced divorce lawyer

1. Ensure Your Child’s Best Interests

Your child has had no hand in the divorce and chances are that he/she will get negatively impacted by learning that the parents he/she grew up with and took for granted will no longer be together anymore. Emotional distress can negatively impact the child and his/her future, and no parent wants that to happen. You love your child and want him to have a bright future. The courts too decide on child custody and child support based on the child’s best interests, and so, your child should be your top priority while planning a divorce.

You should ensure that the child’s basic needs and comforts (food, clothing, shelter, schooling, and safety) are provided for in the post-divorce period, the child enjoys the same standard of living that he/she did when you and your spouse were together, and that he/she receives the same love and care in the post-divorce period as he/she did before.

2. Take Care Of Your Health

Divorce can take a heavy toll on your emotional and physical state, but you need to be fit and fine for your own and for your child’s sake. So, you should:

  • Consult a therapist to improve your mental health, if needed
  • Maintain a positive attitude
  • Work out regularly
  • Eat healthy food
  • Attend personal development classes, if required
  • Read case studies on how other spouses overcame problems related to divorce and came out on top

You need to remain positive during the entire tragic divorce process because after the divorce is complete you should emerge as a strong, positive person who is capable of taking care of the family.

3. Create A Support Team

Many spouses rely on friends and family for emotional support during the divorce. Typically, after filing a divorce petition, many spouses may be overcome by grief, feel unloved, plagued by guilt, and doubtful about their decision. They may even be raging against their spouse. This period is not a time to feel all alone – therefore, it helps to fall back on family and friends for emotional support.

You can also consider getting professional support from:

  • An experienced divorce lawyer
  • A divorce coach, who can help you focus on things that matter and ignore the trivial stuff
  • A therapist, to help you see through your choices, thoughts, and actions

4. Understand And Collect Key Information

To make a formidable case, you first need to understand the divorce, property distribution, and child custody laws of your state and provide your divorce attorney with facts and documents. Collect copies of the following documents and have a meeting with your lawyer to understand how they relate to your case and child custody/support claim:

  • Marriage certificate, property deeds of marital and separate property, your child’s documents (including school documents), SSN, IRS-related documents, driving license, etc.
  • Individual or business tax returns (federal, state, and local) of the last 3 years (These will help your family attorney understand how much the family made every month and what could have been your standard of living.)
  • Bank account statements
  • Documents related to ESOPs and intangible assets such as art
  • Employment contracts (of both spouses)
  • Statements, appraisals, or documents related to other investments (brokerage, mutual funds, cryptocurrency and other online wallets, bank deposits, art, stock options, etc.)
  • 401(k) and other retirement account statements (of both spouses)
  • Documents related to marital property and separate property
  • Health, life, and other insurance policies (health, life, and others)
  • Property deeds (home, farmhouse, investment properties, etc.)
  • Mortgage statements
  • Property tax receipts
  • Credit cards owned by both spouses, loans owed, loan applications, and other debt documents
  • Car registrations and insurance policies
  • Utility bills
  • List of separate properties owned by each spouse
  • Medical bills
  • Fees paid for regular schooling and extracurricular activities
  • The family’s monthly budget

5. Get Your Finances In Order

A divorce splits the monthly funds and leaves both spouses with fewer dollars. So, you need to know which assets you will receive after the divorce, their worth, and what your monthly income and expenses will be after the divorce. Debts are important too and you should know how much you have to repay once you are on your own and in what time frame.

Based on these data, you need to plan your monthly finances – and plan them well. You must be in control of your post-divorce financial situation. You may need a finance professional to help you or if you have hired an experienced attorney, he/she will be able to help you understand your overall post-divorce budget.

6. Be Courteous, Logical, Patient, And Calm

  • Be respectful to your spouse. He/she may be as emotionally disturbed as you are.
  • Be understanding and become a good listener.
  • Be reasonable – if you have followed the course of action described in this post, you will be well-prepared and will be able to judge if the offer on the table is worth accepting or not.
  • Do not hurl allegations or play a blame game (verbally or online). Stick to facts. Digging into the past will only end up hurling some mud on your face too.
  • Stay courteous, restrained, patient, and cool while debating or negotiating with your spouse – no matter how incendiary he/she may sound.
  • If you cannot handle a debate with your spouse, ask your attorney to coach you or stand in for you.
  • Focus on the outcome of your goal (i.e., ending the marriage) – don’t rush into a new relationship until your primary objective of divorce has been achieved.

7. Hire An Effective And Experienced Divorce Lawyer

Every doubt or difficulty you may have while planning your divorce can be easily handled if you hire an experienced and effective family law attorney who has successfully handled cases like yours. Experienced attorneys teach you how to peacefully and tactfully deal with your spouse and thereby keep things going smoothly during the entire divorce process. They also take care of the paperwork, calculate the alimony, child support, child custody, and property and other assets that are rightfully due to you, negotiate effectively, and in 98% of the cases, complete the divorce before it goes to trial (unless it is a high-conflict case or a matter that involves a narcissist spouse).

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I would give them 10 stars if I could. Clay was professional and super organized. He took the time to explain everything. I would highly recommend him for any family law needed. Melanie was a godsend. She not only kept me continually informed of the progress, she sent texts of encouragement and support throughout the entire process. I would give her 100 stars for going above and beyond to make this experience less stressful. Her encouragement and genuine caring were comforting and calming. The entire staff at Brown Law are on your side and if you are lucky enough to get Clay and Melanie on your team you will not be disappointed. Thanks! Mack M.
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Nathaniel was an incredible partner throughout the divorce process. He was organized, responsive and respectful of my wishes while simultaneously giving me guidance and advice. I would recommend him to anyone.
I couldn’t have made it through my divorce without Clay and his team! I am forever thankful for the hours and time spent with me to help navigate an extremely difficult time in life. They’re reliable, knowledgeable, and know how to get things moving in an efficient manner. Nothing but good to say here!!
Working with Daniel Young at Brown Family Law was a truly positive experience during one of the most difficult times of my life. From the start, Daniel was knowledgeable, compassionate, and incredibly responsive.
If you need a family law attorney who combines expertise with empathy, I cannot recommend Daniel Young enough. He is a true advocate and a credit to Brown Family Law.
Nathaniel and Carren have been absolutely incredible to work with. They kept me informed and in the loop throughout each step of the process. They always answered every question I had in a very quick and timely manner. I could not recommend them more.
This 5-star review is for Nathaniel Garrabrandt at Brown Family Law. Nathaniel was just what we needed. He helped guide us with a level of professionalism, efficiency, and genuine care that made a real difference during a challenging time. He is always thoughtful and respectful, and he never makes you feel like just another case. His communication was clear (with regular check-ins), his advice was solid and uncomplicated, and I always felt that he had his client's best interest at heart as he made suggestions. I’m grateful to have had such a capable and compassionate attorney to work with. You hope you never need these kind of services, but when you do, you want the best... and someone with high integrity. Nathaniel truly deserves all 5 of these stars, in every way.
Russell Yauney was my attorney at Brown Family Law. Throughout the process, Russell and his paralegal Conor, were extremely helpful and patient. They were highly responsive, thorough, and most importantly: did not make me feel insignificant or embarrassed for asking clarifying questions. Russell made himself available and whenever he wasn't, Conor was. The Friday Phone Calls were reliable and I knew I could expect an update each week. The firm's texting abilities also made it easy to send a quick question/concern if I ever needed it. Russell was a fantastic attorney and guide to have throughout my situation. I highly recommend this firm.
This law firm went above and beyond for me and my case. I would highly recommend them to anyone needing a good lawyer for custody issues.
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