Who Regrets Divorce More?

Who Regrets Divorce More?

A survey conducted by a legal directory, Avvo, suggests that 27% of women and 39% of men regret their divorce. Though the survey may create a perception that more men than women feel bad about their divorce, we believe that these survey results should be taken with a pinch of salt because it was a relationship poll that quizzed just 2,000 U.S. adults, including singles too. Compare this number with about 29 million divorced people in the U.S., and you will understand why we are a bit skeptical about the findings.

Our family law firm opines that the feeling of regret over divorce and its extent depends on the circumstances of the case and that one cannot accurately say which sex regrets divorce more. The following, in our opinion, are some of the things that divorced people regret not having done differently:

Rushing Into the Marriage

Many people can get excited and rush into marriage without testing if the partnership is robust enough to handle the daily grind and tensions. They may not take the time to bond with each other’s families or reconcile their life goals. Such things matter and if the couple is unable to handle them over time, they may break down, divorce, and later regret not checking the boxes right at the beginning.

Bottling Up

Some spouses may bottle up their feelings instead of openly and fairly discussing problems with their partner and resolving them immediately when they crop up. The reasons for allowing issues to fester can be anything – introverted nature, an unreasonable partner, peer pressure, ego, or anything else. Grieving from the inside often triggers resentment and when resentment reaches a point of no return, things can quickly get out of control, leading to separation – and regret at a later stage.

Blame Game

Some spouses blame each other instead of stepping up and holding themselves accountable. A blame game benefits no one and could lead to arguments and fights. What follows can turn out to be an ugly mess splashed with generous doses of offensive bickering, about which one may feel regretful after the dust settles. But by then, it may be too late.

Not Opting for Counseling Services

Pre-divorce counseling can help spouses connect better with each other, understand the issues that are causing the friction at home, and then peacefully resolve them by communicating and adjusting effectively, thereby preventing a tragic and unnecessary divorce.

Some spouses may refuse to take counseling seriously, only to discover at a later stage that they should have listened to reason instead of their egos.

Finances

Some spouses can combine their money, or mix their separate property into the community marital property pool, only to discover that all their assets will be distributed on a 50/50 basis. A spouse who owned more separate assets than the other spouse may regret mixing his/her property with other community marital property.

Putting Career Ahead of Family

Relationship experts suggest that both spouses should put themselves first, their marriage second, and their career last. They opine that spouses perform better at work if they know that they have a loving and caring spouse to go back to every day. Well, some spouses may not particularly enjoy the idea of putting their personal life ahead of their career and end up compromising on family life. After divorce, this is one thing a spouse may regret having done.

Not Listening to Your Gut Feelings

Some spouses may feel strongly that there is nothing they can do to save the marriage, but they refuse to act on that feeling, instead staying in a hopeless marriage for the sake of their children, or because they think they’re still in love, or for any other reason. They may realize later that they should have acted on their gut feelings and separated earlier.

Social Media Ranting

Angry and bitter spouses can post a lot of negative comments on social media, which can (1) lead to fights and divorce, and (2) be used against them in the courts. Such posts can hurt their alimony and child custody cases, and most spouses will sooner or later realize that the harsh words they used online were toxic and avoidable.

Children-Related Issues

Issues like child custody, parent-time, and the possible involvement of social services are harsh on a child, who may not have the emotional capacity to deal with these issues at a tender age. So, some people may regret divorce because they had to put the children through emotional distress.

Some spouses may regret other things, depending upon the complexities surrounding their marriage, and how they handled them. Some may regret getting divorced, while others may regret not filing for divorce earlier – it all depends on the dynamics of the marriage. 

In the end, remember that life is no bed of roses, and matters like child custody and divorce are no joke. Having witnessed and handled thousands of divorces in which things got ugly, we urge you to consider that no magic formula can save a marriage – it requires adjustments and understanding from both spouses. Keep that in mind before thinking of divorce.

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About the Author: Marco Brown
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Marco C. Brown was named Utah’s Outstanding Family Law Lawyer of the Year in 2015. He graduated with distinction from the University of Nebraska College of Law in 2007 and is currently the managing partner of Brown Family Law, LLC.
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